Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not Going to Talk About

BY JEN SNOW

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Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • Someone added “.blogspot.com” to the end of each graffiti tag on the wall around the corner from my house.

Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • Do not quote your own blog when you are sitting and eating and talking to other people at the dinner table.

Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • Something about festival dailies.
  • Something about frozen dumplings.
  • Something about that stranger, leaning against the doors for the entire ride, writing alternating lines in blue pen and in black pen in a tiny notebook, and never messing up, and balancing.
  • Something about Botox and sweating.
  • Something about where they keep the carts at night and when it is cold.
  • Something about this being the block where I lost you.
  • Something about the bakery staying open for one more holiday’s haul.

Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • There is a bathtub at the end of the bed. Just a few feet away.

Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • When you are finally given an office of your own, and at the end of the first day in your new place, someone asks you how you like it, do not say, “It feels a little bit lonely.”

Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • He went on a date with Lady Gaga when she lived on the Lower East Side.
  • You cannot go out with him.

Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • They did not realize that their friendship was fake.

Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • She was born with a business card in her hand.

Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • She was always searching for the story.
  • He was sometimes searching for her story too.

Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • Is it necessary for the byline to read, “INTERVIEW CONDUCTED, CONDENSED AND EDITED BY…” ?
  • Why stop there?

Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • Are we really going to refer to it as “The Rise of Power Jeans?”
  • We are basically amazing.

Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • Genetic testing.
  • We ate dinner at 5 o’clock.
  • What are we supposed to do now?